an intro to your modern gods; plus, more than you ever wanted to know about diane's body.
3.5 miles.
Rounders is an okay movie. Young man gets into trouble due to his love of the cards, swears off the cards, is seduced back to the cards, realizes his true calling, stands up for a friend and gets himself into serious trouble doing so, and uses his talent to triumph. If you like poker and betting, this is the movie for you. If watching people play poker for hours on end appears to you to be on a par with watching drug addicts go after their next score, this is not a film you'll enjoy.
I enjoyed much of the movie, but it suffers from a couple of major problems:
- most of the scenes are excuses to get us back to the table and watch people play poker, which is fascinating a finite number of times,
- Edward Norton's character is annoying to the point where we can't understand why Matt Damon doesn't bitch-slap him before the Mob does, and
- we're supposed to believe that, prior to the movie's start, Matt Damon really hung out in these card dens.
I'm not even going to get into here the female characters, who are one-note and pointless.
John Malkovich: give us more. Despite being weird, creepy, and subsisting entirely on a diet of scenery, Malkovich is just fun to watch.
Darin was really getting into the poker though. He said, That's exactly how we played at Magic. He could figure out what the other player was probably holding.
The movie did make me interested in poker. (Hmm--perhaps there is a worthwhile poker game for Mac someone out there knows about?) I liked the idea that it's about playing the other guy, not playing the cards--dealing with the cards is skill.
Last night we watched a much, much, much better movie about a game where you play the other man, not the board: Searching for Bobby Fischer, a movie I've seen about 3 times and could watch umpteen times more. It's a beautiful, little film with living, breathing characters. If you haven't seen this movie, do yourself a favor and rent it: it's a total gem.
Darin has a theory that I may have mentioned before, but which bears repeating, particularly for students of modern film.
Rounders once again confirmed Darin's theory, which was first formulated the night we saw Searching for Bobby Fischer, which is also the same night we saw The Firm. (This theory applies to The Firm, not Searching for Bobby Fischer, in case you're wondering.)
Darin's Theory of Modern Gods
In the theatre and lore of Ancient Greece, the gods and demi-gods ruled the actions of lesser mortals. They were all powerful. They could not be stopped. They could do anything they wanted to without the mortals being able to fight back. The gods could settle matters in a capricious way, without merit or warning.
However, if a man could trick the gods, he could make them do his bidding. Or, he could appease the gods by some favor. Or, if he showed himself to be a worthy mortal, one or another of the gods (to whom he had dedicated his life) would smile upon him and grant his wish.
The ability and even tendency of the gods to pull the strings at will--which seemed to the Greeks to reflect their everyday experience with these beings--has been handed down to us by the oft-mentioned phrase deus ex machina. That is, god from the machine: on the stage, a giant machine would lower the actor in the role of the god onto the stage, whereupon the god would do his will and then reascend up to Olympus.
The gods, however, were not necessarily better or more worthy themselves--they could be petty and argue among themselves; even as the Greeks admired their power, they recognized the weaknesses and foibles of the gods and saw how those weaknesses could be disdained even by mortals.
We still use these gods, both in our drama and in our common culture.
Nowadays, we call these omnipotent forces Organized Crime.
They are all powerful. They cannot be stopped. They can do anything they like and there's nothing you can do to retaliate successfully or to stop them: they are a band of Terminators. However, if you beat them at their own game, trick them, or otherwise prove yourself to be a wily and worthy mortal, they will smile upon you and do your bidding. They can be petty and argue among themselves, but their conflicts are larger than life and cannot fully be understood by mortals, even as we disdain them.
In The Firm, Tom Cruise realizes he's up the creek without the paddle (and without the creek, actually) because his law firm does the bidding of the Mafia. How does he get out of it? By appeasing the Mafia and proving his worth through tricky means, which earns their amusement and benevolence.
In Eraser and The Rocketeer, the heroes are pretty much up the creek without the paddle until the Mob decides it is their patriotic duty to fight the arms smugglers/the Nazis/other.
In Rounders, [note: this is kind of a spoiler, but if you can't see this coming a million miles ahead in the movie, you haven't been paying attention] Matt Damon bests uber-player Malkovich at Malkovich's game in Malkovich's establishment. Malkovich, though pissed off and surrounded by a roomful of evil, armed men willing to do his bidding, allows Damon to get away, cash in hand, because Damon is the better player and Malkovich respects that. He is amused by the antics of his favorite mortal and on a whim bestows on him freedom and wealth.
I'm sure that there are tons more examples of this. (Know of any movies that kowtow to the omnipotent force of the Mob? Tell me.) Evidently the Russian Mafia is turning up in scripts left and right (raises hand: guilty) in this role. I wonder if The Godfather is responsible for the image of the Mafia-qua-Olympian gods--before that, was it Our Crimefighters? I bet there's a PhD in there for someone.
One reader opined that perhaps all of my current illness/nausea indicates that I am enceinte.
In fact, part of the current wave of nausea comes from that unique indicator confirming I am not.
I don't like my period. I never have. I dislike mine a great deal more than most women dislike theirs, for two reasons:
Without chemical interference (i.e., the Pill):
- I get mine every 19 days. Yes, literally.
- It only lasts 2 days, but during those 2 days I am nauseous, woozy, achey, and am often in danger of ruining my clothing because I can't change the feminine products quickly enough.
Once, in college, I sat on my bed reading a book, unaware that I'd just gotten my period. I looked down to see a giant red stain spreading over the crotch of my jeans.
Another time, when I lived alone, I woke up in the middle of the night aware that I'd gotten it. I crawled to the bathroom, unable to walk, and lay on the floor of the bathroom for a long time, unable to get to the toilet.
I've never gotten the evil PMS symptoms so many women report, although I do note my already-unusual craving for chocolate goes up--my stomach calisthenics usually keep me from being able to eat however. My OB-Gyn reports that St. John's Wort helps to relieve PMS, for those of you who are interested.
The best thing about being on the Pill was that my period was regulated to every 28 days and it was very light, needing no more than panty shields. The nausea is still there, though it lasts for an hour or so rather than 2 days.
As I told Darin, I haven't spent the better part of the past 10 or 12 years on the Pill because I had a greater than average expectation of having sex.
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Copyright 1998 Diane Patterson
Send comments and questions to diane@spies.com