for the good of all mankind...who might be calling, that is.
The quote of the day:
"Who are you, the secretary?"
Running news:
4.1 miles. I hadn't planned on running today, but I did anyhow.
I answer the personal line in our house. If the phone rings, 99 times out of a 100, I'm going to be one saying, "Hello?" It seemed easier to divide it up this way than always having Darin and me answer the phone. Besides which, he's got his own damn phone (his business line) to answer.
If you call and ask for Darin, I'm going to ask you who you are and why you're calling, okay? I do this because, frankly, Darin doesn't have time to deal with somebody trying to sell him something. In the time he might waste on the phone with some nimnul he could earn enough money to keep Yours Truly in all the Godiva chocolates she can wear.
Just so we're clear: You have to get through me.
The questions are--wait for it--"Who are you?" and "What is this concerning?"
If it's clear you're trying to sell something, here's what you're going to get in response (just so we don't waste time): "We're not interested. Put us on your Don't Call list." Reportedly, phone merchants are required to put your phone number on the Don't Call if you ask, which should cut down on the number of phone solicitations you receive. It hasn't worked yet; we're working on it.
Whatever you do, don't do what the guy this morning did.
I got a phone call at 8am. Despite having gotten up and on the road at 6:30am, 8am is not the morning yet. Maybe it is for you, but we don't exactly have a commute in this house. And besides which, Darin is feeling a little ooky these days, and I wanted him to sleep in. So this caller had better be worth it, right?
INT. DIANE'S OFFICE - DAY
Diane pages through Ain't It Cool News. The phone RINGS.
CALLER
Is Darin there?
DIANE
Who is this?
CALLER
Fred from (garbled). Is Darin there?
DIANE
What is this concerning?
CALLER
Is Darin there?
Diane SIGHS.
DIANE
What is this concerning?
CALLER
Who is this, the secretary?
Diane's eyes flash up.
DIANE
What did you say your name was?
CALLER
This is the secretary, right?
DIANE
His wife, actually.
Diane hangs up and returns to web surfing.
And he called on our home line, for crying out loud.
Don't piss off the woman on the phone, okay? You're not going to get to The Man by doing stuff like that.
This reminded me of a few things that happened at Apple, when visitors to our department or callers who randomly got my phone extension would just assume that I was a secretary. Female--check, knows how to type--check... When they'd ask me to transfer them to another extension or to do some secretarial job, I would always reply, with my blankest expression, "What?" And they'd get frustrated and mutter about the quality of help Apple Computer was hiring.
Of course, these visitors always stopped at my cubicle--not the cubicle of my fellow technical writer, who was a guy.
Diane: pretty good technical writer, lousy secretary.
Maybe it's because my mother was a secretary all throughout her career, but...I won't do it. I've never done it. To this day, the idea of answering phones as a receptionist fills me with fear.
I got into arguments with a friend of mine about what to put on resume--she insisted you had to put down how many words-per-minute you could do. I said, "If you tell them your typing speed, you will get typing jobs."
She pretty much mainly worked as a secretary. I never did.
Let's put it this way--if a guy wouldn't put it on his resume, it ain't going on mine.
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Copyright 1998 Diane Patterson
Send comments and questions to diane@spies.com