my little sweet potato pie.
Think he's a lawyer?
One year ago: I begin shopping at Target.
Two years ago: Darin's theory of Modern Gods.
Three years ago: I am fat.
Four years ago: I do coverage. One of the few times I've ever done it.
I've been busy. And I've been less interested in being online since we got back from our trip up north. Well, that's not exactly true -- I've still been getting and receiving e-mail and looking at a few websites...but I've also been closing the Powerbook earlier in the evening and not opening it first thing in the morning either.
Part of it is that the time I spent on the computer in the evening annoyed Darin. He'd finally get done with work and come upstairs to spend time with me, and I'd be playing on the computer. My excuse was that I didn't have much time to play on the Internet during the day, between playing with Sophia and taking time to write. But it was a solitary activity, and it was cutting in to our time together.
I've also been doing a lot of writing on my novel, and that's taking a lot of my writing energy. A lot of my mental energy too.
Before Sophia, I used to spend a lot of my time in daydreams. Sometimes about my stories, but a lot about what I'd like to do in my life. A lot of wasted time, really. After Sophia, the daydreams stopped completely. I don't think I have any fewer fantastical wants and desires, but Sophia has grounded me in ways pretty much nothing else in my life ever has.
The imagination that entertained me for years in daydreams is now channelling toward my stories. While out walking with Sophia I naturally find myself thinking about where the novel's story should go next. The ending -- beyond the revelation of the killer -- came to me today and I felt tickled by it.
When I sit down and open Microsoft Word, I usually get at least five pages a session done.
The mystery writing group has continued. Getting together and discussing stories with others has really primed my creative pump. We discussed one piece last Wednesday that was well-written but had some major structural problems, and I felt lightning go through me: "Okay, here's the problem, here are some possible suggestions on how to fix it."
I don't know if anyone else finds my analysis helpful, but I realize I feel exceptionally confident analysing stories. It always surprised me to hear USC compadres talk about stories -- didn't they pay attention? Didn't they feel in command of the story, of the structure? Did they believe it was simply given unto them, that they couldn't shape it themselves? That's definitely something I got for my money, and I feel tons more confident about my writing now than I did before I came down here.
Sophia slept through the night Monday night, but then woke up Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Last night she slept through again. I think babies just reach a stage where they start sleeping all night.
We also started with solid food this week. Rice cereal for four days -- my friends warned me that Sophia would be underwhelmed by the bland taste of rice cereal mixed with milk, and they were right. But today she started with mashed-up sweet potato, and she's been in baby heaven.
When we brought her home from the hospital, one of our first nicknames was "Sweet Potato Pie." I can't believe that was only six and a half months ago. It seems like so much longer. And sometimes it seems like no time at all.
The other morning I looked at Sophia cuddling in bed with Darin as I got ready to take a shower, and I thought, "Who is that strange little person in our bed?" Then she smiled at me and I thought, She's my daughter, and she's wonderful.
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Copyright 2000 Diane Patterson
Send comments and questions to diane@nobody-knows-anything.com