Doctor, I think I may be codependent. Well, I dropped Darin off at the airport this morning -- early, around 8, why do you ask? -- and here it is, 10pm, and I'm missing him terribly. I might go as far as to say I'm depressed, but I won't.
Okay, it's not just that. I went to Brooke's class tonight, and whenever the whole class gets together, all 30 of us, I get this sense that I'm on the outside -- everyone else is in these groups, chatting away and whenever I join a group it's more like I'm wrenching it apart. All I have go on is my impression! No, I'm not going to ask anyone what they think. Talk about depressing. And everyone always feels like they're on the outside, so what good will it be to ask?
Today was kind of a roller-coaster of feelings. After dropping Darin off -- Darin was down here for the weekend, I told you that...didn't I? Well, he was, and he had to go back today, so we drove to the airport. I came back home to eat some breakfast, then I went by a florist and picked up a bouquet of flowers for Kathryn, as a gesture of apology for missing her show this weekend. We missed it because Darin had a fever. Both nights. He was fine during the days, but around 4 or 5 in the afternoon he started to burn up, so we spent every evening in.
During the days? We went to a movie on Saturday and Sunday afternoon. Saturday we went to Big Night, the Stanley Tucci written-and-directed independent feature about an Italian restaurant. It was a good example of a "small" movie that's much closer to our every day lives than most of the movies out there. And Tucci was, as always, great. Yes, the same guy who played the Prince of Darkness, Richard Cross. Give this man an award already.
Sunday morning we got together with Fernando, Harry, Al, Brent, and Therese to see Star Trek: First Contact, which is about as far from every day life as you can get. No female characters, very much like an episode of The Next Generation. It was okay -- I enjoyed it, but now, a day later, I can't remember anything about it. Not as bad as some of my friends have said, not as great as Variety said. Afterwards we went by Kathryn's theatre, because I thought there was a matinee. There wasn't, so Fernando, Darin, and I went out to lunch. Then Darin and I went home and called it a day at about 3 in the afternoon.
He slept. What did I do? Lounged. Surfed. Played games. No, I didn't write. Why would I write? How would it make me feel better? I'd rather turn my brain off, it's easier. Of course, the down side is, suddenly it was Monday and Darin had left and I went to get some flowers.
I spent the day at Spring Creek, mostly working on the computer and discovering some really gnarly problems, none of which you should try to fix on Mac Classic, no matter how much you want to. Filemaker Pro on a Mac Classic may be one of the punishments reserved for an inner circle of hell. I am not either making light of what I did. Okay, maybe a little.
Since it's Thanksgiving week, Kathryn told me to take off early, so I did. I got home, collected mail, and started writing some letters I want to send off before the holidays. Then I thought: what the hell, and I called the production company that makes one of my favorite TV shows. Because I don't want to jinx it, that's why. Anyhow, I called, and they said, Oh yes indeedy, we need production interns, how often can you be here? She asked how I heard of them; I said I was a fan of the show? Do you think that was wise? It doesn't matter. I faxed my resume. It was already late in the day, I know why she didn't call back. I'll call her tomorrow, make an appointment.
But I'm already feeling guilty. Why? Because I'll be leaving Spring Creek after having just gotten there. I know they're not paying me, it's not a contract, but they've let me into their little sanctum. Yes, I have done my best, except maybe I haven't learned everything I can and I want to be a writer, not a production person...but I want to work in TV, not work on movies that take forever to go from script to screen.
Darin told me I could feel guilty when I'd worked out all the details of what I will or won't be doing at the production internship and not a minute before.
What am I doing now? Watching Friday the 13th -- why isn't this show still on? I was made to write for a show like this -- and trying to figure out what this melancholy comes from. I tried eating ice cream already. Do you think the chocolate chip cookies would help? Yeah, me too, and there's enough milk in the fridge for the both of us. Hang on.