The Paperwork

Chutzpah Required

Think anybody'd noticed if I ran off into the Mojave for two or three years?



I love shows that deal with computers, virtual reality, and the Internet. TekWar, on the Sci-Fi channel has had, in the first five minutes that I've had it on: a guy using some sort of headset to go into virtual reality (where he can be killed, of course), going to "level 6 of the Internet", one of the hackers is using "triple-key encryption codes" to "surround the virus," and of course "the cybercops are scanning the matrix."

It don't get no better than this.

(Oh dear, perhaps it does -- the movie Prophecy came on next, am eco-terrorist Amityville Horror. Tadpoles the size of dogs, crazy raccoons, and wise, wise Indians.)


I'm not having a good day today, which is why I'm watching bad SF TV. It's my own damn fault too, making my failure earlier today -- that's what I'm calling it -- doubly painful. Today I wanted to go out and shoot some man-in-the-street interviews for my documentary. I got the camera, I got my tape, I went to downtown Burbank...and I couldn't do it. I couldn't start going up to people and asking my questions.

A big part of me said, "Come on you big dummy, you just walk up to people, ask if you can interview them on camera...and who in Los Angeles doesn't want to be on camera?"

I couldn't do it. I froze. I got sick to my stomach. (Even now, as I write this, there's a giant knot of anxiety where my rib cage should be. Stage fright to the nth degree.) I decided I needed some kind of support, someone there to help me do this or help me corral people.

I've put a call into Edgar, who has chutzpah to spare. If nothing else, having him around would get me started. He would have no problem walking up to people on the street and asking them questions. And for my part, I'd find it much easier to do something like this with a sympathetic audience right there. Isn't that sound silly? Anything that you can do in front of someone you can do when you're alone -- you just have to fix your mindset.

Of course, if Edgar doesn't call me back, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll have to force myself to do it tomorrow, and probably if I could do it once ("Hi, I'm a USC grad film student, and I was wondering...") I know that once I do it I could do it twenty-five or so times. It's just doing it that first time that's killing me.


You know, often when I'm out walking, I'll think of various phrases I want to use as titles of entries. And I never think of writing them down. Whoops.

Speaking of whoops: there's this show Signtings on the Sci-Fi channel that's so ridiculous it's not even funny. Psychics chasing out evil spirits who talk to children through the TV. UFOlogists talking about "hard evidence" and Independence Day. Puh-leeze. My head's hurting.


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Last Updated: 16-Nov-96
Copyright ©1996 Diane Patterson