and a possible credit card scam.
5.3 miles. That seems so long ago at this point.
A few years ago I noticed that there's a select group of incredibly good-looking guys who don't mind acting goofy.
- Jim Carrey -- when he's not acting like an ass.
- Cary Elwes -- Robin Hood: Men In Tights and Hot Shots! and whatever else.
- Tom Hanks -- though not as much any more
- Greg Kinnear -- in just about everything
- The sports anchors on Sports Night
The latest is Brendan Fraser, who made George of the Jungle such a fun experience. He was very good in Gods and Monsters (even though I didn't like the movie), but I think he's better at comedy than drama, however, and that's because he's totally willing to be goofy.
Darin, Fernando, and I went to see The Mummy today, and Brendan Fraser is definitely the best special effect in the movie. The movie even tells us this right off, when the French Foreign Legion is fighting off a horde of crazed Arabs. That is, the French Foreign Legion in their familiar whites...and Brendan Fraser, in a brown outfit that mostly serves to set him apart from everyone else, as if to say, "This is the star, keep your eye on him, because there's so much going on in any one frame you're sure to lose track of him otherwise."
If you can do without a Brendan Fraser fix, however, I suggest you might want to skip the movie. It's not very good.
See, there's this ancient Egyptian priest who was mummified alive and cursed and yadda yadda yadda. If the Egyptians were so good at this magic stuff, why didn't they come up with a way of punishing this guy that no interloper 3000 years later could muck up? Imhotep comes back to life and wants revenge on those who awakened him. No, he wants to bring his girlfriend back to life. No, he wants...well, he wants bad things, but problem number one is that he's been a skeleton for 3000 years and is badly in need of living flesh so that he can regenerate. Well, except for his ability to turn into a sandstorm at will. Oh yes, and he brings the Ten Plagues.
What?
The movie makes about that much sense. Brendan is the mercenary (read: Harrison Ford role) who accompanies girl archaeologist Rachel Weisz and her wastrel brother across the desert to the legendary City of the Dead, just as a bunch of American adventurers show up to find the legendary treasure, and all manner of chaos ensues. Mummies are raised, flesh-eating scarabs (don't worry, you don't see anything -- anything -- bad in this pic) are loosed, sandstorms are raced, revenge is taken.
The worst thing about this pic is not the story (though that's terrible and it could have been so much better -- after all, this is a horror pic, come on!)...it's the tone. I don't know what to make of this movie. Is it camp? If so, the dialogue fails so many times (if I had to say to myself, "Is that the best comeback they could think up?" one more time...). Is it serious? Somebody forgot to tell the moviemakers. Is it a horror movie? Is it...?
Sigh. I like big, dumb action flicks, but I need something in it to make it a guilty pleasure, and Brendan doesn't even take his shirt off. I mean, come on. The guys got Catherine Zeta-Jones in a painted-on bodysuit last week; what do we get?
Darin came home and started to do bills. He called me in to ask about the charges on one of our credit cards from PGCBilling.com. I had no idea what it was. I especially had no idea what it was, considering I haven't used that credit card in months -- we've been trying to clear off the card, in preparation for closing the account.
Huh.
I called the phone number -- it put me into voicemail hell and then dumped me out with a recorded voice telling me, "If you'd like to reach the operator..." I checked their website -- scary how little information there is there, huh? And I'm supposed to enter in my credit card number to find out who they are? I don't think so.
I have to fill out paperwork to get these charges off my card. And I bet you can imagine how appreciative I am of that little task.
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Copyright 1999 Diane Patterson
Send comments and questions to diane@spies.com