Hi Hollywood. I know you don’t care about me on so many levels—I’m over 25, I’m a woman, I’m married, I have children, I don’t like vampires whether sparkly or not—but Jesus, you aren’t even trying any more, are you?
It’s JULY. That is MIDSUMMER, for those of you who never leave the office and have no idea. SUMMER is peak movie season.
There is nothing for us to go see. I mean, I’m digging deep here, people. I am putting everything on the possibles list, and it’s still slim-to-no pickings. And Darin and I are almost willing to see anything.
Yes, I said almost. The Twilight movies are RIGHT OUT, okay?
(By the way, for anybody out there who still reads this blog and may have a small girl child of your acquaintance who may be interested in reading Twilight in the future…I beg you to read this book NOW, so you may know of what you speak when you trash this book as hard as it needs to be trashed. But that’s an entry for another day.)
What have Darin and I already seen this summer? Let’s see:
- Knight and Day: we saw this last week. It’s pretty silly, but it revels in its silliness—the montage where we only see little bits and pieces of how Tom Cruise gets Cameron Diaz out of a series of harrowing situations is hilarious. And while Tom always comes off as batshit-insane to me, he is absolutely the best thing in this movie: he’s funny as hell, and wow, is he comfortable being a movie star. Both Darin and I were really impressed by how amazingly charming Cruise was in this.
- The A-Team: Yes, we saw this. Best thing by far: Sharlto Copley as Murdock, the crazy helicopter pilot—man, that guy is good. Worst thing: there’s a whole plot point about Man of Violence BA Baracus becoming a Man of Peace…and we know that all is right with the world when he becomes a Man of Violence again. Hoo-yah! Also: hard as hell to tell what is going on in some scenes because of the action editing. Does anyone choreograph any more? Am I showing my age?
- Toy Story 3: Saw this with the kids. Thought it was great.
- Get Him To The Greek: Okay, I admit: I thought this was hilarious. It was completely stupid and yet: freaking hysterical. “Stroke the furry wall!”
Mind you, I had to look at a list of movies currently playing to remind me what I may have seen in the past few weeks (with the exception of Toy Story 3, which I remember seeing just fine).
Yes, we’ve skipped The Last Airbender, MacGruber, Prince of Persia, Shrek Forever After (the kids saw that one with their Grandpa), and Sex and the City 2.
We’re planning on seeing Despicable Me with the kids this weekend, so that’s out.
What are our current choices for a movie to go see on date night? Cyrus, I Am Love, and Predators.
Any of these may, in fact, turn out to be a great movie-going experience. But none of them appears to be a must-see movie-going experience. I have high hopes for the upcoming Inception, but one movie out of…how many?…that might turn out to be not completely mind-numbing and shallow.
Jesus, I don’t know where the love of movies is going to come from in the next generation. It’s dire out there, Hollywood, and frankly, I’m blaming you for it.
Oh yeah, and 3D? Kiss my ass.