An actual sign promoting this nonsense
From a newsletter sent home:
Next week is Red Ribbon Week. Our class will not give as much attention to the red ribbon activities as some of the older classes. It is, however, a good time to talk with your child about drugs, since it’s a school wide affair, in a way they can understand.
Okay kids, we’re supposed to talk about drugs. Hm. Do you guys know what drugs are? They’re mood- and perception-altering substances. That means…they change the way you feel and the way you think about things. People want to do that because…well, for a lot of reasons. Drugs make them feel better for a short while. Drugs make them forget about things. Drugs relax them.
When people refer to “drugs” they usually mean illegal drugs. Why are those the illegal ones? For a whole bunch of reasons, not the least of which are political maneuvering and thinly veiled social control. There’s very little difference between an illegal drug like cannabis — the Feds came up with the name “marijuana” to make the populace think it was something only those terrible Mexicans would use — and alcohol, which is legal. In fact, lots of people would argue that cannabis is a much more useful drug, because it can be used to treat various illnesses and reduce pain and suffering, but I like to point out that you have to smoke cannabis and smoking is very, very bad for you.
We’ll get to tobacco in a minute. Just hold your horses.
One of the main reasons not to do illegal drugs is that you don’t know what you’re getting. If your bottle of Jim Beam comes from the factory tainted with arsenic, Jim Beam’s going down. You get some spiked cocaine? So sorry, you’re out of luck.
But the main reason not to do drugs is this: If you want to do illegal drugs, before you try them hang out with the people who are doing the drugs at least three times. Why three? Because one time the group on drugs can seem like a whole bunch of fun. Two times you start seeing the same behaviors. Three times and you’re wondering how soon you can get out of there.
Every conversation they have is inane. Oh, it might seem hysterical to them, and maybe even to you when you’re not on drugs. The first time. When these guys start having the same conversation over and over again, you’re going to realize that being on drugs makes you kind of a moron. I’m using moron in the clinical, very-low-IQ sense here. Maybe they’re a fun, laughing moron, but a moron nonetheless. The second thing you’ll notice about people who do drugs is that every conversation, sooner or later, is about drugs. So not only are they a moron, but they’re a boring moron.
And Daddy and I don’t tolerate boring morons. Nosirree.
Well, yes, Daddy does have a friend who does some of his best creative work while stoned on pot. But I also dated a guy who thought he did his best writing while stoned and let me tell you, I think he was a little wrong on that one. And don’t drink and write: seriously, you write crap. In the immortal words of someone (Natalie Goldberg?), writers don’t drink to write, they drink because they’re not writing.
Right. Alcohol. Daddy doesn’t drink or at least not very often. I do like having a drink now and then, usually margaritas, because the combination of lime and sugar and salt with the tequila is quite tasty. And port. Port wine is good. I haven’t had a Cosmopolitan since the late Eighties, but as I recall I liked those too. For the most part, though, Daddy and I don’t drink.
But you should know that I have a history of alcoholism in my family, and of course my heritage is as Irish as all get out, so you need to beware. Apparently alcoholism is hereditary, and I don’t think having one-half of your genes coming from Daddy is going to be enough.
There are other things called “drugs” that are also known as “prescription medications.” Lots of people who take “medications” feel morally superior to people who take illegal drugs. Possibly this is because their medications were developed by Big Pharma instead of simply growing in the ground where any peasant can get their hands on it. Of course, Big Pharma also gave us Vioxx and Phen-Fen, which shows exactly how superior their knowledge is. Now, chemistry in action also gives us crystal meth. Anybody know what drug is a close cousin of crystal meth? That’s right: Ritalin. Anybody at your school on Ritalin? I wonder what their family’s going to say if that kid starts trying crystal meth.
Yes, Mommy does take mood-altering medications every day that make her not quite so crazy — no, really, guys, you wouldn’t like me if I stopped taking this stuff — but that’s not drugs. Well, it is drugs, but it’s not the kind of drugs your school wants me to tell you about, because they’re not illegal. And nobody takes my drugs to feel mellow or get a buzz on, trust me.
Okay, on to tobacco: it smells bad and makes you cough up phlegm. Plus it’s expensive and wouldn’t you rather spend that money on an excellent port wine? I would.
Now, your father and I are a little concerned with the Sovietesque mind control stupidity associated with this whole anti-drug fervor. What’s Sovietesque? Hmm. The Soviet Union was a totalitarian regime where people were afraid to speak out and the government told them how to think about everything. No, no, totally different from our own society today. But these placards they’re posting around your school…that’s kinda scary. I’m pretty sure I saw this one on display in East Germany.
So, that’s my talk about drugs. They’re really not very good for you, they mostly interfere with you getting anything done, and since they’re illegal you’d be open to arrest, whether that’s a good idea or not, and Daddy and I are totally against the War on Drugs, despite the fact that we don’t use any.
And trust me on “hang out with them three times before trying it” gambit. Seriously boring discussions.
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On second thought, maybe Darin ought to be the one to have this talk.
Good rant. I was wondering about the “workers of the world, unite” poster, too. What’s the point? And is there a tie in to the red ribbon or is that merely a coincidence?
Darin should only have that talk if he can do any better than you. You captured our feelings on the subject totally. Great job.
And I am also creeped out by all of this old Soviet-style advertising coming back. Do you think the gov’t is asking for that style or do you think it is an editorial comment on the part of those making the ads themselves?
That ‘strong character’ sign really does look like a prop from Brazil, Starship Troopers or any other film set in a fascistic future. I remember that, a couple of years ago, there were posters on London buses reminding us that they had video surveillance cameras. They were in much the same neo-Art Deco style, and featured sinister-looking floating yellow eyes. And it really was saying that it’s good to have big Brother watching you.
When graphic designers working on such campaigns allude to historic propaganda styles — including the decidedly Stakhanovite dude on that sign — I wonder if they’re being ironic or just plundering art history without thinking about the significance of what they’re copying. It seems to be ironic post-modern appropriation of historically problematic styles — for the same purpose for which they were originally used. Either the designers don’t understand what they’re playing around with, or they do and they’re perfectly comfortable with it.
Great talk, Diane. My daughter Ellery was brought up with a very similar rational skepticism approach to drugs, and it seems to have worked really well for her. I wish I’d thought of the “hang out with them three times” rule – but she came to the same “they’re boring!” conclusion on her own based on watching the potheads at her school. We also followed the traditional upbringing rules from my mother’s family, of allowing her to have a little wine on special occasions or at family meals where wine was served once she was 15 or 16. (Theoretically, I believe I could go to jail for that.)
She also remembers the period when I was finding pot very psychologically addictive and had a very hard time quitting smoking it regularly. When she was about 13 or 14 I had a talk with her about drugs and mentioned that this was a sign that I may have a genetic tendency towards addiction, that my father was an alcoholic for years, and that there’s a risk she might inherit the same tendency. I brought it up again a couple years later, and she said “Dad, you already told me this. You don’t need to cover it again. I remember, and I’m not going to take chances.”
She is now in college and AFAICT she drinks very moderately and responsibly and does no other drugs, at just the stage when a lot of kids (including some she knows) are spinning out of control. A sane approach actually works, surprise surprise.
RE: In the immortal words of someone (Natalie Goldberg?), writers don’t drink to write, they drink because they’re not writing.
Wasn’t it Walker Percy?
It may indeed have been Natalie Goldberg quoting Walker Percy.
I was so moved by your speech that I just wanted to well; Piss all over the computer screen, and Ill tell you why..
First of all, when u were a small kid(and im going to stop carin about grammar cause im just a occasional teen drug user who alrdy ruined his life accourding to u and every law ever written), but when u saw ur drunk parents ranting and raving(mine would physically fight but nothing im complaining about). Did u even realize why they were acting that way? Maybe so, but also did that behavior just want to make u want to run up and sit on daddys lap, hmmm,wonder, so u understand now why daddy would start an argument over getting another beer out of the fridge what a mature parent u must be but dont get me wrong every families different so i shuldnt judge, aint no problem with a small martini even though it is a physical addiction just like herion bbut its worse to sit around and laugh about the same things..but on to my next point.
No Drug and i repeat no drug ha ever effected the way i thought..excuse me , changed the way i thought, i mean u do know what inhibtion is right,check with Webster on that one,and only three out of lets see..crank, weed, coke, shrooms, alcohol, morphine, x,benzos(pills), opium, and pain pills has ever my inhibition and thats nerve pils ,
shrooms, and oh yeh alcohol but thats ok cuz its legal not to mentionthe klonopins are for my
social anxiety disorder which r fed down my throut. And i guess all the bond money and jail
time gets whats coming to me considering as much
if not more than most murderers and rapists because of the be loved mandatory drug sentence.
Think if your kid had a mental disorder(for instance,bi-polar,manic-dep,anxiety,deppresion,or schitzo) u didnt quite understad ude probably just hope the medication wuld help but trust me it never doe its up to urself to change it just like saying ‘no’ to illicit drugs thats allpeer-pressure not a perfct parent like u not like u cant steer them into the right direction and even if u dont they still have a mind of thereown.
You ever think that for all that time they spend
figuring out how to act straight and not get bitched at u culd just say ‘dont worry were all human, i except u for who u r and not the mistakes u make’.
As for myself im only 19 but i know drugs are somewhat a waste of time, energy,and brain cells and maybe ill never stop using but i know im smart enuff to know that a drug is a drug no matter what form, its how u handle it and to realize maybe one day ill be strong enuff to say no to anythin even if its legal or not but ive seen and heard things that(no mentally but from reality) that i dont think i wuld ever have learned ofanyother way so preach red ribbon and i hope thy listen but there only doing what they are are being told to do cause judgement is for yourself alone, but ive jabbered on enuff but dnt listen to me i just do drugs from time to time they “control” the brain am i right Diane? but listen or not im just speakin my mind isnt that what u want ur kids to do, but thats ur decidion, ok there needs closure to this so ill go out with a fare-the well!