There’s an article in the LA Times today (yes, I still read it) about the proliferation of “life coaches”: color consultants, spiritual gurus, personal trainers, feng shui experts.

Makes me nostalgic for Posse-town, it do, it do.

Okay, maybe I’m the last on the block to have heard of Mark Walker, but this is ridiculous. Unless my three-year-old can do it. Then it’s really, really cute.

It’s good to be king. At least, it’s good to be syndicated, which is much the same thing.

Forget celebrities protesting the war. We’ve got celebrities doing their part to bring down the world economy. TV actor Don Johnson was nabbed crossing the Swiss-German border with 8 billion dollars in securities in his car:

“Nash Bridges” actor Don Johnson is starring in a real-life episode of international intrigue – and he’s not at all pleased with the casting.

German customs authorities are investigating Johnson after he was stopped with financial instruments valued at $8 billion, according to published reports. That’s right: They say $8 billion.

Officials are trying to discover whether there is a case for a money-laundering probe, a spokesman for the Customs Investigations Office in Cologne told Deutsche Presse-Agentur.

No charges have been filed, but U.S. Customs and tax officials have been told Johnson had a suitcase filled with stock certificates, bonds, credit notes and checks when officials stopped his car at the Swiss-German border in November.

Johnson’s rep Elliott Mintz confirmed that the actor went through “a routine border check by customs officials. After a few minutes, they waved the car on.”

Mintz told us the former “Miami Vice” star did not have securities. “He does travel with extra cash, but it is unlikely he would have an extra $8 billion,” said Mintz. “Don has done well for himself, but not that well.”

Mintz added, “If he is under investigation, no one has contacted him.”

The German news show “Aspect” reported that, asked why he needed so much money, Johnson allegedly replied: “I am going to buy a car.” A customs officer is said to have replied: “With that kind of money, you could buy the factory.”

Eight billion.

Eight billion.

Now, either Mr. Johnson has access to the world’s sloppiest rental car company, or there is a fucking underground economy the likes of which you and I are never, ever going to get near. Seedy TV stars who get recognized and usually waved on through checkpoints of all stripes (including those damn security gates) are acting as mules—I’m quite sure Mr. Johnson was going to get a nice fee for his part.

Eight billion dollars.

You ever wonder what celebrities do when their TV shows run out? Now we know.