Who here thinks I should totally take Simon to these auditions? As my friend Rob said, “He’s a shoo-in for the role.”

(Okay, Rob didn’t really say that. I did. But he was thinking it.)

Jesus, Other Things that Tom Cruise Knows More About Than You had me literally in tears:

Particle Physics – Regis and Kathie Lee, 5/13/95

“According to the popular theory – don’t interrupt me, Regis – according to the popular theory of Guage and Higgs bosons, for Z bosons the average charged multiplicity formula is {Ncharged} = 21.07 +/- 0.11. Now, I’ve read the history of physics–I have read the histories, looked at the data and you’re being glib, Regis. Glib, glib, glib! Z bosons are not elementary physics particles, but in fact are the proportionate mass-carrying particles for when a thetan leaves the body upon clearing. Believe me, I’ve seen it a thousand times.”

Darin’s staring at me like I’ve totally lost my shit, which I pretty much have. But the article’s hilarious nonetheless.

“I Am” over at The Evangelical Atheist (proselytizing atheists are just so cute) is having an atheist haiku contest. He (or is it…She?) offers a few samples:

“While god does love you,
Only we can save you, so
Make a donation.”

If I made a rock
That big, I think I’d drop it
On Pat Robertson.