A couple of weeks ago my friend Tamar, who’s also a member of the Backspace writers’ board, said, “You know, you’re almost done with your novel and getting ready to submit. You should come out to this conference to talk to some agents.” So I talked to Darin about it, and, despite the fact that it would be a midweek trip (seriously harshing Darin’s working buzz), I decided to do it. The decision was made a lot easier by the fact that I was going to stay at her house, which would allow me to skip the cost of a hotel room in New York City (where, no matter what the room rate, they always get you on the city tax).

So last Monday I flew out to Newark, spent Tuesday and Wednesday at the conference, and then flew home first thing (and I do mean first thing) Thursday morning.

It was a great conference (and, alas, probably the last of its ilk). Two days of panels and schmoozing with literary agents. The highlight of each day was the “Two Minutes, Two Pages” workshop in which writers brought the first two pages of their novel to be read out loud, and the agents would say where they’d stop. At least, that’s how the panel has worked in earlier incarnations; it didn’t work so well this time because there were so many writers at a few tables that the noise was unbearable. The table I sat at on Tuesday decided that instead of reading the pages aloud everyone would read silently (since we all had copies) and the agents would start talking when they’d stopped reading. Where they stopped, why they stopped, etc.

What I learned: Unbelievably illuminating.

Tamar had volunteered to work at the conference (she’s agented already) and she was in charge of cracking the whip at the table I was at the first day. We compared notes later and we both said: Wow, that was great. You know how you always hear “Show, don’t tell”? There were plenty of scenes that I would have said were “Showing” — dramatic, showing things in medias res, describing what was going on there and then And the agents very quickly distilled why they considered it telling and why they’d stop.

Despite being completely wasted from my flight out Monday, and then my terrible night’s sleep Monday night, and a full day at the conference, I rewrote my two pages for the second day of the conference. Did it pay off? Well…both of the agents at my workshop the second day said they’d keep reading, so I’d have to say, Yes.

Or, as I said to Tamar during one of our train rides, “Do we ever stop learning stuff we thought we already knew?” She said, “I don’t think so.”

The main things I learned at this conference:

• Wow, are agents always looking for clients. You’d think, Why would a bunch of agents who are getting 1000 query letters a week take a few hours out of their day to chat up a bunch of unpublished, unagented authors? Because they really, really, really want to find someone. They might get 1000 queries a week, but it sounds like some intensely small percentage of that 1000 are anywhere near the bulls’ eye in terms of what they need.
• Wow, do agents’ tastes vary. Scott Hoffman told a hilarious story about a previous panel he was on where he described a query he got that was completely and totally perfect for him, and the agent next to him said, “I got that query. I hated that book!”
• Most of the people who query agents do not have their shit together. The people at the conference (who clearly were there because they were interested in the getting of agents) were much further along than most of the people who are hawking a book. Research the damn agents already. Don’t send urban fantasy to an agent only looking for political nonfiction, ‘kay? This information is easier to find than ever before. Do your homework.
• You’ll help yourself immeasurably if you can distill your novel into one or two sentences. If you tell someone your premise and get a “Whoa!” you’re on to something. You need to be able to distinguish your novel from every other one out there. (Scott Hoffman had a good exercise for everyone: turn to the person next to you, tell them the premise for your novel, and have them pitch theirs. Now, would you pay $25 for their book? Would they pay $25 for yours?)
• Referrals? Really do help. So use the power of the Internet to network — also easier than ever before. A referral won’t get you an agent, it’ll just get you read faster. You still have to show up with the goods.

Definitely worthwhile for me to go. I don’t know if Backspace is going to do another one, alas.

Now to make the agent I totally fell in love with totally fall in love with my book.