There are going to be spoilers. Just be warned.

We saw Hancock Tuesday night, during one of the “pre-opening” shows (what is it with stretching out these opening weekends?), and I am still astounded at what a misfire that movie was. Because for the first half of the movie, it was interesting, it was funny, it was a fun movie experience.

And then it falls apart. I mean, there should have been tape and staples and bolts on screen showing how hard it was to keep this thing together. And Darin and I can both point to the moment when the WTF? was written all over the script. It’s the moment I’ve seen hinted at in so many reviews, the big “twist.” I don’t know what they were thinking. “We need some kind of big Ooooh moment”? “We need to explain everything that’s happened”? “We hired Charlize Theron and we don’t know what the hell to do with her”?

Did you know Charlize Theron was in this movie? ‘Cause she isn’t in any of the trailers.

In case you don’t know the plot of this movie: Will Smith is Hancock, a superhero with an attitude and a drinking problem. He causes as many problems as he solves (and maybe even more). He rips up freeways to stop bad guys, he drinks quarts of liquor, and he’s grumpy to everyone, even little kids. And then one day he saves PR guy Ray (Jason Bateman, who once again proves he is the bar-none best straight man in the business, treating the looniness that’s going on absolutely seriously) from being hit by a train. Of course, the train is a complete wreck and once again Hancock has caused way more trouble than he’s saved. All of the lookers-on scream at Hancock, call him worthless, ask him what his problem is. But Ray thanks him and defends him to the crowd and then invites him over to his house for dinner, where they discuss how Ray is going to change Hancock’s image and make people love him. Ray’s wife (Charlize Theron) takes an instant dislike to the rude, hungover superhero, but Hancock finds himself attracted to her. Which is problematic, see, as Ray is the only guy who likes him.

All good, right?

Enter Ye Olde Plot Twist.

I have a copy of Tonight He Comes, the screenplay that was developed into Hancock, to see if the twist was in there, and maybe it was explained better. I have heard such amazing things about this screenplay that I had to check it out. For one thing, it is dark. Everything about it is dark. The characters are all seriously unlikable. I can see why it would garner interest, and I can see why it had to be “developed,” because no way would this make it on screen.

It doesn’t have the Plot Twist. Maybe it was the work of the second credited writer, Vince Gilligan. Or maybe it was someone else.

(And here it comes, turn away now if you don’t want to know what the twist is.)

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