guy things, new journals, and what those test results mean.
The quote of the day:
Kenneth Starr can blow me.
Running news:
Yesterday: 5.3 miles. Really, really fast. No idea what happened there.
Today: 5.3 miles, not so fast.
This project necessitated that Darin go to the hardware store to get a new drill bit for his drill. I opted out, asking to be dropped at home instead.
FERNANDO
You don't want to go to the hardware
store. That's a guy thing.
DIANE
What are you talking about? I go to
the hardware store all the time. I go
way more often than Darin does.
FERNANDO
Yeah, I know. I'm just kidding. Nancy's
the same way.
Just because I can't tell Bob Vila apart from the guy on Home Improvement does not mean I don't like hardware stores. I like hardware stores a lot--I like stationery stores better (is there something sexual about office supplies?) and bookstores even more--but hardware stores are just fine, thanks.
So Kymm had a link to a new journal that I like a lot: it's either called Pamie's Panties or gettin' squishy wid it, a combination of titles that brings embarrassing images to mind.
My only complaint is that Pamie doesn't use forward and backward links. Well, the other complaint is that it's on Geocities, and every time I look at a Geocities page wrong--or maybe I'm looking at it right, who knows--that verkakete Geocities pop-up window appears.
My big excitement recently happened a few weeks ago--my OB-Gyn called me with the results of my blood panel, and everything was fine. Well, everything except the part where I tested positive for syphilis.
DIANE grips the phone hard.
DIANE
I WHAT?
He explained to me that he was going to run another series of tests, because there are factors that will cause false positives for syphilis, and I sounded like I was pretty sure I didn't have syphilis.
He called again a few days later and said no, I didn't have syphilis, I'd had a false positive. He wanted me to go see a rheumatologist to get more tests on me, because conditions such as autoimmune disorders can cause false positives.
DIANE
What's an autoimmune disorder?
DOCTOR (V.O.)
You know, like lupus.
At which point I thought, "I'll take the syphilis, that can be cured with one shot of penicillin...provided it's Type I syphilis, of course, and not the incurable Type II."
I saw the rheumatologist yesterday. He took 4 vials of blood and poked and prodded and felt around my thyroid and even got out the little rubber hammer to test my knee reflexes. Verdict: reflexes are fine. Everything's fine. From all signs there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with me; there can be any number of reason I'm giving false positives, and having a false positive on some tests doesn't mean I have the autoimmune disorder: more people have the false positives than actually have the disorder, thereby skewing the results. (You can only use the false positives to confirm someone has a disorder, not to diagnose it.)
He's going to check for thyroid problems in the blood screen, but he doesn't expect to find any. He said my thyroid was on the large end of the normal scale, but nowhere near abnormal.
He has no idea what the reoccurence of the feeling of a large bump inside my throat might be. Did I want to see an ear/nose/throat guy? I said I'd wait a while and see if the lump didn't go away.
Sigh. I don't want to start going to see doctors again.
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Copyright 1998 Diane Patterson
Send comments and questions to diane@spies.com