The Pride Police

I recommend everything we had, which was lots of appetizers and a couple of entrees. I guess I'll have to ask Darin what the name of each dish was. I know we had dolmathes and some kind of moussaka. I also had a chicken, egg, and lemon soup that was quite tasty.

As I sit here writing this I know I have to call Len and hash out (once again) the plot to my script. That's the main thing I have to do today. I cannot make myself reach for the phone. A burning sensation wells up right in the center of my rib cage, a sensation I know all too well -- it is fear. Fear of having to defend my ideas? I don't know. It is a pretty powerful deterrent, however.

I've decided I don't like his entire rewriting of my idea. One of the ideas he had was good, but the twist and plot development he suggested I don't like. I've decided I like mine better.

I don't think I can begin to explain to you the cognitive dissonance that goes through my mind when I hear myself say the words, "I like mine better." I begin to check the basement for pods. I search for the hidden mikes. I barricade the doors against the Pride Police.

I hear you ask, "Why?" It is my story, is it not?

Well, yes...and therein lies the question of why I have such a problem with defense. I am afraid of being wrong. What if I am wrong? Am I about to embark on a year of my life, creating my master's thesis, and going down the wrong path? A screenplay is more like a novel than a short story -- it requires weeks and weeks of involvement just to carve it into some shape. (I know, short stories can require a lot of work too -- but the initial amount of work is generally a whole lot less than a longer piece of work.)

(Of course, I've called and gotten the answering machine again. Stupid waste of energy.)

I'm just happy this bout of fear hasn't induced me to start ripping off my fingernails, the way it has in the past. Maybe I'm breaking the nailbiting, nailripping habits. After 20 years, that's pretty good.

I've started fleshing out my version of the story, and I'm worried that it's too dull, too static. I need more ACTION.

Action, by the way, is the grail of screenwriting. Action does not always mean "a vehicle suitable for Bruce or Sly or Arnold," although it tends to. Action is "get the character doing something so that we can SEE what kind of character this person is."

My question is: Have I gotten too cerebral again? Quite possibly -- I tend to make my characters smart instead of clever. Is anything going to happen here? I think so, I plan on it -- but the nagging fear that you haven't gotten it yet keeps rising up.

Fear. Just say no. (Except you're too afraid to do anything so rash.)

Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics

According to the scale, I've lost 3 pounds this week...or, as I like to put it, 10% of the grand total, should I ever approximate that weight again. I feel as though 3 pounds could be a clerical error, or at least well within the +/- factor statisticians are so fond of. Oh well -- I'll just keep at it, and try to get more exercise in this week. So: X-3.

Of course, having said that: I went for 3.5 miles yesterday but none today. Sigh. I don't know why all of a sudden I've started sleeping in in the mornings, particularly as I'm going to bed early. The sun is shining right in my eyes and I'm sleeping through it anyhow.