Stay Focused

I am, in case you haven't realized, totally done with USC, except for graduation next week. No more classes. I have nothing standing between me and my destiny in Hollywood, except my fear.

Darin and I talked about fear last night. I asked him why I'm so afraid of the future, which I am--almost to the point of paralysis. He said, "Because you've got such unrealistic expectations of what has to happen and what you would count as success." I prefer to think of it as, Someone's got to be a major success in this town, it might as well be me.

But he's right: I have high expectations and I'm afraid that I won't get anywhere near them. Then everyone will know what a big failure I am. Yes, this is really what goes through my mind on an almost minute-by-minute basis.

Frankly, it's amazing I could even get up at 9 this morning.

In the coming weeks, I have to start querying everyone in sight on my two scripts, get people to read them, and start working on something new. One good script a year is a reasonable goal. Two would be fantastic. Even better would be assignments that pay Big Bucks, of course.

I watched The Elephant Man today. I had forgotten David Lynch had directed it, though how anyone could forget something like that I haven't the slightest. I told Darin that I'd seen it in the theatres when it first came out--how could I not? Not only did it have Anthony Hopkins, but it had John Hurt. I had to see it.

            DARIN
        Was John Hurt in I, Claudius?
        
            DIANE
        Yup. He played Caligula.
        
            DARIN
        That's the highbrow versus lowbrow test. 
        If I say, 'Caligula,' do you think of  
        John Hurt or Malcolm McDowell?

Darin knows that I, Claudius was one of the seminal events of my early adolescence. He asked if I saw 1984; I said the I, Claudius influence had somewhat worn off by then.

Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics