Who Knew?

Let me be the first to say this: I suck as a sitcom writer. I am currently padding my script, trying to get it from 26 pages to 35. Elias, if you read my page: I'm sorry. I'm just not taking to this form, no matter what. I'm not even being funny, dammit, and usually if I can't do anything else--write well, have a story--I can be funny.

Intensely personal note: my graduation takes place in the Shrine Auditorium on May 8. Will I have the cojones to say, "I'd like to thank the Academy..." when I get my diploma?

Darin and I hosted a little party last night. It was an eclectic mix, at best: Fernando; Linda; Tim and Otto, internet screenwriting buds; Sandra and Joel, internet journaling buds. And Darin and me. We watched on the big-screen TV and munched out on various things (I thought I was incredibly restrained, actually--I had a few Cheetos, a crescent puff, a few tortilla chips and lots and lots of diet root beer) as we played Mystery Science Theatre with the broadcast.

We had a contest, where everyone picked winners for various categories--Otto brought the ballots, and he played unfair by including "Best Live Action Short" and "Best Animated Short" and "Best Documentary" and other things that none of us had heard of, let alone seen--and at the end the prize was a recent copy of Inside the Oscars. When I've gone to Oscar parties, I've always won the prize (one year was a previous edition of Inside the Oscars, which gave me the idea); when Otto's entered Oscar pools, he's won.

Guess who tied for the prize?

The tiebreaker question was: How long with the show run? I guessed 3 hours and 10 minutes; Otto guessed 3 hours and 5 minutes. So I won. But I gave him the book anyhow, because it's unseemly to win in your own household.

We all knew who was going to win in the big categories (even if Sandra did have to show her independent streak by putting down Judi Dench instead of Helen Hunt). That's one of the things about the Oscars--are there any big shockers any more, with the exception of Marisa Tomei? Last year, everyone went crazy over how the awards were leaning "independent", so this year the Academy made up for it with a vengeance by going wholesale Hollywood. Ain't no one could mistake that the studios were patting themselves on the back.

And now on to the Oscar broadcast itself:

• "We're running long...but let's go ahead and introduce 70 past Oscar winners anyhow."
• The show lasted longer than Titanic did.
• Madonna, it's not a look that's working.
• Anyone wonder if Cameron's Best Picture speech was rehearsed and rehearsed? Compare and contrast the clunkiness and obviousness of his speech with the clunkiness and obviousness of his writing for Titanic.
• Billy Crystal's internal thoughts: "Hey, Whoopi's got one, now Robin's got one...I started Comic Relief too, man!"
• Exactly how many Titanic-themed necklaces were there, for God's sake?

Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics

Yesterday: 3.5 miles.

Today: 3.5 miles. And I wore my stopwatch--I'm doing 10 minute miles, which is a significant improvement over the last time I timed myself, in December, when I was doing 12 minute miles. I guess losing 25 pounds will do that to you.

Despite exercising 6 out of 7 days this week and being really, really good on my diet (except for last night, during which I nibbled party food but made up for it by not drinking 4 of my shakes for the day), my measurements have not changed at all this week, which makes 3 weeks in a row they haven't changed.

And I lost a whole 0.2 pounds this week. Now, maybe I'm retaining a buttload of water due to eating a few salty snacks last night, but I don't think so.

I think I may have hit bottom, and believe me, I ain't skinny right now. My ribs are not visible. I am not starving.

The answer from the diet place is to put me on the modified fast--so I drink fewer shakes (3 instead of 6) and have one meal a day. I know that I'm getting to the end of this anyhow.