an entry for the diary collaboration project
My day off.
- If you won the 195 million Powerball, would you
- take the 195 million over 20 years?
- take the 104 million cash payment now?
- Why?
- How would you spend the money from the option you chose?
I posed this question to Darin. He said, "Damn, I'd have to factor in taxes and interest rates to be really sure." This is, for those keeping score, the Nerdly Answer. (And also why Darin is as successful as he is.)
If we assume an operating tax rate of 50% (40% Federal, 10% California)--and I think the damage is actually much worse than 50% on lottery winnings--I'd get $52m right now, as opposed to $4.875m a year for 20 years, or $97.5m.
Hm.
I'm not even going to do the math. I'd take the Lump Sum of $104m. Primarily because of the miracle of compound interest, but also because I'd just want the money. Gimme, gimme, gimme. Don't make me wait 20 years. I'd like to get it over and done with and not keep relying on new money showing up to bail me out of whatever situation I'd gotten myself into.
I've noticed strange behavior when people have an expectation of extra money coming in. Some people do this with expected money, such as a paycheck, but not quite as many as do with expected bonus money. At Apple, during the good years, we got profit sharing, which were nice fat checks that we got simply because the company was doing well. And the behavior went something like this:
- You hear that the company had a profitable quarter: expect profit sharing.
- Go out and buy something in anticipation of the profit sharing check.
- In addition, all daily expenses go up; after all, here comes the profit sharing check.
- Profit sharing check arrives.
- Go out and buy something nice because you have this check in your hand.
- Get all bills from month; wonder what happened to all that extra money you thought you'd have.
So I'd rather not expect the unexpected, eh?
Now, how would I spend the money... I was also raised by parents who grew up during the Depression and grew up during the Eighties--talk about your Cognitive Dissonance. I hate spending money, but if you want to see Conspicuous Consumerism in action, look no further than moi. I don't spend a lot of money or love shopping (except for books). But I have really expensive tastes. I'd rather eat out once at a fancy restaurant than 10 times at Fatburger, you know?
I don't spend a lot of money, but when I do, it's a doozy.
So in order to satisfy the two halves of my money-spending personality, I know the first thing I'd do: put $30m in investments. If they performed only average, I'd make $3m a year to live on. Which might be enough to squeak by on, if I were doing nothing on the outside.
$22m to spend... Hm.
How I'd spend the money on me:
- A really, really nice estate somewhere. Like, with a gigantic library to hold all our books and an actual screening room. Considering Bill Gates is building a $100m house, this is not too much to ask for. And a friend of mine and her husband just bought a huge house with screening room, and they're like normal people I know. (If incredibly successful Industry types.)
- A vacation house somewhere. Of course, my idea of a good place to vacation isn't Hawaii; it's London or Paris or New York. In case you haven't been to any of those places recently, they ain't cheap.
- Some incredible--$5m? $10m?--for Darin to found a company with offices and people and everything. So he can work while I'm off in London watching plays.
- First-class air travel. It's not the Great Unwashed who bother me, it's the tiny seats. I wouldn't buy a jet though--they're too expensive, cost too much to maintain, and I'd rather use somebody else's.
- A really large pile of cocaine. Okay, I'm kidding here, people. Everybody sit back down. (The song "White Lines" came on as I was making this list.)
Have I left enough money to furnish these damn houses? Well, I'll still have that $3m coming in every year; that should buy a divan or two.
How I'd spend the money on others:
- A whole bunch o' money to the Committee for Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal (CSICOP), the wacky folks who insist on rational thinking instead of spacey newage thinking. They publish the Skeptical Inquirer, a magazine I cannot recommend highly enough, particularly if you have some serious beliefs that you think can withstand being rocked.
- Maybe a Screenwriting scholarship for women who want to write something other than Chick Flicks. If we get enough of those women out there, they don't have to think about changing their names to get read.
- The Ray-Suarez-Incredibly-Gorgeous-Radio-Voice scholarship for people who want to be calm, cool, collected, and incredibly well-informed radio hosts. Because then I'd get to meet Ray Suarez. (There's no such thing as altruism, people.)
As I look at this list, I realize that getting the big money wouldn't change my life terribly much. I'd just get bigger things. I already have the nice car, and the nice house, and I don't really see much of a need to start hiring male strippers...
This shows me that money currently isn't a factor in what I do or what I don't do. I never think, "Gosh, I'd really like to x, y, or z, but I can't because of the cost." I usually think I can't do it because of the time. The time it would take away from doing other things, from work, from previous obligations.
The old adage that "Time = money" is wrong. Money is a variable amount. Time is fixed, immovable--we all get the same amount of time. Never, ever waste time.
Darin once said to me, "You have to be happy with the amount of money you currently have, because no amount of money is going to make you happy." Which is true. I had a very good paying job at Apple Computer and hated it. I know people who do work solely for the paycheque, and they are seriously unhappy people. Of course, the unhappiest are those who hate what they do and do nothing to change the situation, money or no money.
As I made my money-spending list, I also realized that I'm not one of these people who would run around buying things for my friends. Hey, they all have jobs and make good money; they can buy their own houses. However, I would let them use my vacation house.
For a small fee.
And if they didn't leave clean sheets on the beds, I'd have them hunted down and killed by my crack commando team. Which I would hire, using my millions, from the advertisements in the back of Modern Michigan Militia or Really Big Guns magazine.
Darin, of course, would be more than welcome to use any or all of the money to do anything with as he pleased. He's far more likely to go around buying people houses and cars and things, so if you're going to suck up to either one of us, pick him.
I had this entry up on Thursday originally, for about 40 seconds. During that time, a couple of people wrote me and asked, Wouldn't I spend some of the money on making my own movie?
No.
I mean, maybe. I guess so. I may have to, at some point in the future, in order to get something made, in order to show people what kind of movies I can make.
But for the most part...no. You never use your own money if you can possibly help it, you know? The object is to get lots of other people to give you money to make your movie, and then for your movie to make them lots of money in return. No one uses their own money if they can avoid doing so. That's why the studios are still the big kids on the block: they're the only ones with enough money to bankroll this craziness.
I'm not that interested in directing. This may change when I see what a director does to my work--"Um, how did the main character become the tag-along female?" But then I'd rather be the producer, so I can fire the director. No, I find directing to be annoying, bothersome, time-consuming work, and the results never come out looking like they did in my head. Maybe I just never got the directing thing down. There wasn't time. You had to get the assignment done.
Well, that's probably what directing is really like anyhow.
In France, they say, "Cherchez la femme." Find the woman. When there's a tale of sordid doings, of illegalities, of smoke and fire...find the woman and you will go straight to the heart of the matter.
Here in America, we say, "Follow the money."
You wonder why we all have such sexual hangups?
Seeing the differences between these phrases reminds me of a joke about the French diplomat who was photographed in a compromising position with a KGB agent. The KGB brings him in and wants him to become their agent; they show him the photos, so that he knows they're serious about the blackmail.
The diplomat looks at the photos and says, "Can I get a blow-up on this one?"
Ah, what a laissez-faire attitude.
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