Primordial Ooze

Maybe it refers to how I feel inside mentally. I don't feel that much better, I'm still bumming, I'm still doing the backstroke through my funk, but I'm ambulatory and listening to "Talk of the Nation," so all is well. (Except for the fact that the topic on TOTN is "Religion in America," so I am getting more bummed out, hearing how most Americans believe in God, although they don't always know what they mean by God, and a lot of times when they stop to think about, they discover they don't really believe in God. Duh. But I'll stop here before I get flamed by evangelicals.)

I can hear Darin down the hallway talking to a client. When he talks to someone and he doesn't have to be right in front of a monitor, he walks around the house. We have hardwood floors, which echo. I can't hear the substance of what he's saying -- his non-disclosure statement is safe with me, folks -- just the resonance of his voice. I think I'd better close my office door; he's coming towards me and his booming baritone is getting louder.

Okay. Today I have to write. I. Must. Write. I should put a sign over my desk: Writing Crap Is Okay! I wish I could capture on paper the internal monologue that begins when I sit down to Start Writing. On the wall in front of my desk I have the first year of the Five Year Plan I worked out for Brooke's class and an X-Files calendar. I have the calendar there simply to show me the months (and, periodically, a picture of David Duchovny, such as with last month's pic). The calendar on my computer is the one that keeps track of where I have to be when.

I didn't write at all yesterday. I played Heroes of Might and Magic II, at first because it was fun, and then because it was annoying me so much that I became desperate to beat it and win the scenario I was playing.

My writing teacher is right about one thing: you must write for an hour every day. Not just any writing -- screenwriting. I have to start incorporating that realization into my life. One hour, every day. That first hour is the hardest, so I have to get it out of the way.

I wonder if positive reinforcement really works. As in, write an hour, lay on the bed for an hour. I sometimes think that no type of reinforcement works for me, whether positive or negative. God knows that chocolate is no type of reinforcement, because I'll just go ahead and go eat it anyhow. Tell me your favorite type of positive or negative reinforcement. Mention whether I can quote you in here and whether I can mention your name.