Clarifications, Spoilers, and Reinforcements, Part II

You seem shocked that Smarties are owned by Nestle now. Well, here in Britain Rowntree (the manufacturer) has been owned by Nestle for some years now. But then again, I didn't know that Smarties existed in North America.

Yes, indeed, Smarties do exist in North America, particularly in former British colonies (except ours) and quasi-British Caribbean resorts that are quite popular with the European trade. In fact, Smarties and all Cadbury bars, which means while in Canada, Bermuda, and various Caribbean islands, I pork out on Crunchie bars, the singularly most disgusting creation known to man (spun sugar inside chocolate -- mmmmm).

Is "Medical Detectives" something real or are you making a joke about hybrid police-medical dramas? In Britain there's one such called "Dangerfield" which, I'm told, is full of rustic local colour and so might appeal to nostalgic anglophiles who watch A&E.

Nope, not a joke. This is an actual series on A&E that takes cases and studies how the forensic pathologists (on this particular episodes, insect behavior experts) help to solve crimes. It's closer to a documentary than to Unsolved Mysteries docudrama crap, but it's all pretty well-scripted ahead of time.

I get the feeling that Dangerfield is a dramatic show, which Medical Detectives is not.

Being British, I don't find anything to laugh at the Canadians for, but I do sometimes laugh *with* them, such as when watching "Due South". If you ever watched it, do you remember the episode with the Canadian gangsters who couldn't convert between mph and km/h? (The biggest joke of all in Due South was, of course, the fact that it was actually filmed in Toronto.)

We don't laugh at Canadians either; we merely laugh near them.

The dirty secret of American television is that all shows are filmed either in Toronto (to simulate New York and Chicago) or Vancouver (to simulate the rest of America), except for Homicide, which is filmed on location in Baltimore, and NYPD Blue, which is filmed on a Fox backlot.

(Do not send me mail and say, My favorite show is filmed in such-and-such! I don't care. Yes, some shows are filmed on location -- the vast majority are not. ER is filmed in Burbank, not Chicago, except for some establishing scenes, NYPD Blue is filmed here, all FOX shows are filmed in Canada, etc. Law and Order may be filmed in NYC, I'm not sure.)

I never watched Due South, even though I heard it was good. I probably should have, I know.

P.S. The huge Canadian Pacific hotels sound remarkably like the Overlook in "The Shining". And if you're looking for a new vocabulary, try starting with "sublime" -- it's what Romantic authors thought of the Swiss Alps (from your descriptions the Rockies seem very similar). Talking of which, the flaw in the European Union joke is that Switzerland isn't a member, because of its determinated independence and neutrality. Since it's got free trade with the EU anyway, it doesn't really matter.

New vocabulary? Does my use of the word "nice" annoy you, David? No, actually, he has a point: "sublime" is a good description of the Canadian Rockies.

The E.U. joke isn't mine, remember; I only quote what I read elsewhere, in this case a t-shirt. And if someone printed it, it must be true, right?

The Overlook from The Shining, eh? This would explain so much about our behavior...

P.P.S. Re the US customs at Vancouver airport, I've read that FBI agents like to hang around so that they can accost X-Files actors.

Sounds like an okay profession to me. Hubba. "Will accost X-Files actors for fun."

• He's his mother.
• The gimp is the mastermind, and he made the whole thing up.

• The little girl in the raincoat is really the midget murderer. (last good Donald Sutherland movie category)

I continue to receive types of reinforcements others out there in the stratosphere use. My brother-in-law Scott, during one of the first days during the trip to Canada said to me that one of the reinforcements he uses is fear of being quoted in The Paperwork. Whether that spurs him on to be wittier or not to write me at all is just between us.

Yvonne writes in:

When I know I should write but can't make myself want to, I sit myself down and make myself write for ten minutes. Sounds flaky, but it seems to work. Usually, the ten minutes is enough to burn through whatever resistance to writing I'm feeling and I can keep going. If not, I make myself another appointment to write for ten minutes, but for later in the day. Nothing magic about ten minutes--it's just a short enough period of time that I don't feel intimidated by it.

There is a great essay about teaching yourself how to do the things you want to do, but somehow can't make yourself do. It's in a book called _Women at Work_, edited by Sara Ruddick, Carol Ascher, and someone else I can't think of at the moment.

Actually, the book is Between Women : Biographers, Novelists, Critics, Teachers and Artists Write About Their Work on Women (note the handy Amazon link!). Looks interesting.

Tracing reminds us of an important pitfall:

Read everyone's points of views on getting themselves into action with interest. I don't know that I use positive or negative reinforcement. I guess I do. But I tend to get too smug and it breaks the flow. I'll have been writing for an hour or two so I say to myself, I deserve a break, I'll check my e-mail. Three hours later... (When the reward lasts longer than the task to earn the reward, well, something is not quite in balance.)

...On the other hand, sometimes I just have to stop all the activity, the busy-ness that I set my mind to so that I don't have to confront whatever it is I'm avoiding. I lie down on my bed (maybe for you you'd better just stand up or something if you think you'd just fall asleep) and do nothing, confront the fear. Ok, you wanna do nothing, let's do nothing. Not sleeping, but just nothing, just lying here, you, me and the fear. And I wait for the world to collapse and it never does so I get up and go ok, procrastination is not so evil, the world will not end if I don't do anything, I'm not such a bad girl, the pressure is off... and I start to work. No one, nothing is _forcing_ me to work. Sometimes, I have to free myself of the pressure, the sense of _obligation_ and then I can work.

I completely agree that freeing the self of pressure is incredibly important...but there's pressure in everything (note my inability to sleep when I really want to) and jobs have pressure too. I can't always let go of the pressure, because always at the back of my mind is "This counts." But it's good to keep in mind.

Amanda, another online journaler, says:

Making myself a list of things I want to write about, talk about, ideas and jottings, words and phrases. And limit the time I do that, else that's all that gets done.

Having a list gives me a sense of direction, and gets me motivated because I have specific things to do rather than a nebulous 'have to write today'.

At present, i have to watch how much I key, as I have a pinched nerve somewhere in my neck, and it is causing me pain/numbness (the numbness is scarier than the pain) when I push it too much. So , I set my alarm on my organiser for an hour at a time, and get up and go do other things. Like cooking, or washing or reading, or just handwriting a few extra notes based on where my typing was going.

I enjoy writing, and remind myself of that fact. That's why I do it, I enjoy it, so long as I see it as a treat rather than a deprivation , I can get more done.

A couple of people have mentioned using a timer. Maybe I gotta do this, too. I just know I'll procrastinate and start looking for the best timer, maybe a nice Mac application, all the bells and whistles...

Al, who is one of The Boys (Harry, Mike, and Al), wrote me to say

For one thing, I'd suggest daily walks. Your general activity level will go up and your need for sleep should decrease. If you feel better in general, you'll probably feel better about things you undertake.

I'd also suggest working out daily tasks that take work and need doing. Knock off one a day or whatever the appropriate timing suggests. Completing things is often a good reinforcer.

Instead of writing the script, take notes for a while. Maybe they should be notes about what you're doing or metanotes about writing. Disassociate the discomfort of writing a script from the simple act of writing and you may be able to go back to the script without the baggage.

I know the feeling you have about starting something that just might turn out to be so much crap. I'm experiencing that feeling as I type. As long as I can hang on to the goal of communicating this idea, I can push through the haze of the self-doubt and potential risk.

Aw. Thanks, Dave.

Isn't it funny how everyone has impostor syndrome? And people who don't we just hate and hope they get their comeuppance?