you can't find this stuff out just anywhere.
A screenwriter comes home one day to find the smoldering ruins of his house surrounded by emergency vehicles: fire trucks, police cars, ambulances. He goes up to the cop in charge and asks, "What happened?"The cop says, "Your agent came to your house and raped and killed your wife. Then he abducted your daughters and sold them into white slavery. He maimed your dog and molested your cat. Then he set fire to the house to cover his tracks."
And the writer says...
"My agent came to my house?"
I went to bed at 9pm last night and woke up a couple of times--I swear to God, I'd pay money at this point to sleep 8 hours in a row; I haven't slept a full night in weeks--before finally waking up for good at 5:30am.
Around 1pm I felt sleepy so I went down to take a nap. At 3pm, the phone wakes me up but I don't pick it up--I don't have good post-sleep phone-voice. Darin calls downstairs and says, "It's for you. I didn't ask who it is."
(I give callers the Third Degree when they call for him. Is it so much to ask?)
I pick it up and say, "Hello?"
It's my manager, wanting to touch base, find out what I'm up to, tell me what he's been doing.
My manager called me?
Of course, I'm groggy, so I can't even think to lie: I'm working on the rewrite and my new script, but the rewrite's taking longer than I suspected. (In other words: I didn't work at all in Israel.) He told me what he was doing, and we'll talk again soon.
Well, I could kiss my nap goodbye at that point.
Our weekend is totally booked up. That sound you hear is me panicking.
Although I know how well I respond to pressure and people waiting for stuff, so that's good to know. In fact, just lying in bed after hanging up I had an inspiration for the rewrite. If only I could get that to happen like Darin does--as a matter of course.
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Copyright 1999 Diane Patterson
Send comments and questions to diane@spies.com