The Swing Of Things

School's definitely under way--today I have two classes (Writing and Business), had a class last night (Directing...and that went late!), another class tomorrow morning (Film History) that I've decided to add at the last minute. I'm hoping that being involved in my classes and keeping busy either here (at USC) or at Babylonian will lift this horrible loneliness and depression. I'm not feeling like I'm part of a big adventure right now. I'm feeling like this is the stupidest thing I've ever done.

"So, let me get this straight, Ms. Patterson: you left the love and security of your home base in the Bay Area to live by yourself in icky, unfriendly, rainy, cold Los Angeles? I'm prescribing massive quantities of drugs...no, I think we'd better go straight to the shock therapy."

Last night in class the Directing teacher sprang an extra assignment on us: we're divided up into groups and we have to complete a project by our next class--the Monday after MLK, Jr. Day. I found myself getting angry that he added work on us like this, thereby filling up my holiday weekend, thereby keeping me from fleeing...uh, flying...up north again. And spending an extra day with Darin.

Just a little dependent and needy I guess. I wonder if I'd be doing better if I had my computer. Would that make me feel like I was in constant communication with my friends up north? At least I could take my mind off the fact that when I come home at night, there's a TV and a couple of books and not much else. I realized last night I didn't have chocolate at home. Then I realized I didn't even care.

I'm entering this installment of Diane's Angst Chronicles from the basement of Leavey Library again. It's like having a computer, only completely different. (For one thing, the Netscape prefs have links underlined.) I can only catch up on mail sent directly to me (sorting through mail from various mailing lists is too hard in pine) and I'm getting quick searches of the Web done. Who's out there? What are they doing? Sigh.

Why I haven't just accepted going back to a 68K Mac I'll never understand. The problem with Donut is the PowerPC daughterboard, and the reason Donut hasn't been fixed is that the computer doc hasn't been able to get a new daughterboard in. If I could accept going back to a plain ol' 68K machine, all I'd have to do is tell 'em to rip out the daughterboard and install the system software for 68K again. But I'm too darn stubborn, I guess.