i only stop for actual roadside sex.
Okay, group hug.
Darin and I drove back to Los Angeles on Sunday. We were both extremely tired--it had been a busy week. We swapped driving duties halfway through, at Diane's Bathroom Break stop.
(Note to Rob: Darin and I stopped at the same roadside oasis that you and I did on the drive up. What a difference a week makes: it was packed. Wall-to-wall people. You could not get into the McDonald's parking lot, or, when you did, as we unfortunately found out, getting out became tricky because people would just park in the exit rows. We ended up at In-N-Out, which was only bearable because it was more difficult to get to.)
When we got to Valencia, traffic came to a dead stop. And I thought, Oh Christ, it's going to take as long to get home from here as it took to get here from Cupertino. We inched along for almost an hour, going no further than a few miles.
Then we passed a motorcycle parked by the side of the road. On the small roadside slope above the motorcycle, a man and woman were reclining, watching the traffic. As far as I could tell, they were both fully dressed and there was no funny business going on.
Traffic went back to normal after that point.
"What?" I screamed. "Were they having sex? Did I miss something interesting? Are these drivers stupid?"
"Maybe they were having sex earlier," Darin said.
"In which case there would have been a car crash or two around here," I snapped. LA drivers get disconcerted by everything.
We got home shortly thereafter. We unpacked the car (though we didn't unpack the bags) and then collapsed on the couch. We ate the remainder of the previous night's Chinese food (which we had brought down in a cooler, courtesy of Mitch). I think we went to bed at 10.
How we know that online journalers are not an economic force in this society (yet): it seems like every single one of them saw Galaxy Quest over the weekend and yet the movie only came in 8th in the box office sweepstakes.
Darin and I decided to continue our holiday by seeing Galaxy Quest this afternoon. We started out at the Universal CityWalk, which was wall-to-wall cars. I said, "Let's go to Burbank," so we did. The AMC Theaters were much more reasonable, and there was a Barnes and Noble besides.
Galaxy Quest is the name of a space opera that was on the air 20 years ago--think Star Trek ten years later and you'll do fine. The stars of the show spend their time now primarily going to Galaxy Quest conventions. There's the blonde bimbo, Sigourney Weaver; the intellectual alien, Alan Rickman; the ship's engineer, Tony Shalhoub; and the navigator, Daryl Mitchell, who was a little boy when the show was on but is all grown up now. They all hate the Shatneresque captain, Tim Allen, who is arrogant and inconsiderate and basically a boor. (Each character is alternately referred to by his or her real name and their show name, which is why I haven't listed them here. Don't worry, you won't be confused.)
Real aliens who've seen the show's transmissions think these actors are the crew of a real spaceship, and they need a crew who is fearless--and invincible--to defeat their enemy, who is making mincemeat of them. So they bring the actors to space, where they've built a replica of the Galaxy Quest starship, which operates just like on the show. Of course, the actors have to figure out what's going on.
Tony Shalhoub, as usual, walks away with this movie. His laidback California boy who's copacetic about everything is hysterical. Everyone else is pretty good, especially Alan Rickman as the histrionic Master Thespian (anybody out there remember Master Thespian?), though I was left wondering what in the name of Vulcan Sigourney Weaver was doing in this flick. I guess it's that time in her career where otherwise she starts to vanish, due to age.
Darin didn't like how many gaps in reality he was supposed to buy: aliens can build a super-technology but not even know what it does themselves? I didn't mind, although there was one extraordinarily bothersome element that was never explained: why does Alan Rickman spend the entire time in his alien makeup (especially as he hates the nonsense about the show so much)? I kept waiting to be told he was an actual alien. And I don't buy that he protesteth too much--there's no indication that he's secretly comforted by his Dr. Lazarus character: he says he hates it and he acts as though he hates it, so I don't know what's going on there.
It's light fluff. There are no deeper messages other than, as Darin put it, the one from every action movie: every man (and woman, too, I suppose, maybe) can rise to the occasion when he needs to. Galaxy Quest is a fun movie though--lots of funny stuff in there. And if you don't believe there are people like the ones shown at the Galaxy Quest convention, I suggest you go rent Trekkies.
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Copyright 1999 Diane Patterson
Send comments and questions to diane@spies.com