attack of the rampaging consumerist.
Ugh. Still sick. And I've got to buy some warmer running duds.
So, let me cut to the chase: the National Board of Review named Gods and Monsters the best film of 1998. Darin and I respectfully disagree.
It's not that Gods and Monsters is a bad movie. It's just a boring one--very slow, very static, and nothing happens. Ian McKellen and Brendan Fraser are both great--McKellen especially--but at the end Darin and I discussed it for about two minutes and then went on to other things.
Gods and Monsters is the story of the last days of James Whale, a Hollywood director who gave us the vision of Frankenstein's monster we all hold so dear. Whale was openly gay in a time when most people lived in dire fear of anyone finding out about their sexuality. The movie shows him in retirement, forgotten by most except for film geeks (tell me we're not all as annoying as the geek in this movie). Whale is suffering from some kind of seizures, amplified by a stroke, and he can't concentrate on anything, so memories of his past keep flooding in on him. He tries to focus on the present by focusing on his gorgeous--and straight--new gardener, Brendan Fraser. The movie is the story of their friendship.
It's a two character play in which some stories get told and things get said and not much of anything happens. I don't mean I need things like car chases or buildings blowing up--character change would do. Something. Anything. We're left pretty much where we began, however, which is not particularly satisfying dramatically, especially as we don't get a vision of a world we've never seen before in exchange. An old man lusting after youth? Late 50s California? Visions of the Great War?
It was all character and no story. A tiny story would have done. As it was, I was left with an "Oh, that's nice" feeling at the end. Which isn't enough for me.
Darin went out the other night to buy us some food for dinner and came back with a DVD player. You know, the kind of DVD player with 5 slots for DVDs.
I thought, "For those nights when we want nothing more than 10 hours of movie watching ahead of us?"
I'm afraid to send him out to the store ever again.
And he talked to Greg on the phone the other day, and Greg praised the new Zelda game for Nintendo 64 to high heaven, so Darin went out and bought it. Of course, he had to buy the Nintendo 64 too. And, since he had to wait a few days for Zelda to be shipped, he bought a few other games for the Nintendo.
I'd remove his Visa from him, but after all, he is the one earning the money around here.
I think we're all out of slots on the TV for a Playstation.
The Canadian jokes continue, only now they're internal jokes (Canadians vs. Canadians, rather than Canadians vs. the world). This one's from John, who may or may not be a northern neighbor:
Three Canadians -- a Newfie, a Québecer, and an Albertan -- are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish -- that's three wishes total", says the genie.
The Newfie says, "I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, his dad was a fisherman, and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' -- the oceans were teaming with fish.
The Québecer was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Québec, so that nothing will get in for all eternity."
Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, 'POOF' -- there was a huge wall around the whole province.
The Albertan asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The genie explains, "Well, it's about 50 metres high, 20 metres thick, and nothing can get in or out."
The Albertan says, "Fill it up with water."
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Copyright 1998 Diane Patterson
Send comments and questions to diane@spies.com