diane's in a happy place.
I am overburdened.
One year ago: Business realities
Two years ago: I am underwhelmed by Charade.
Three years ago: I do not enjoy the heat.
Four years ago: I am in LA, preparing for school.
Yesterday I received word my entry "I Love Her" had been nominated for Best Romantic Entry in the second quarter Diarist.net awards! Thank you! That was an entry that meant a lot to me when I wrote it and I'm really, really thrilled to get nominated for it!
My mood is often too at the whim of external circumstance, and those circumstances revolve around one thing: my work, my writing. I know where this comes from: one of my Mom's big things is, You have to work. As in, you have to have a job. And I know part of where that comes from: she grew up in Ireland during the Depression in a big family -- not the happiest of circumstances. Having a job became a big part of her self-image.
"You have to work" is a refrain I heard a lot when I was little. My mom and dad fought a lot when I was tiny, because my mom wanted to get a job and my dad wanted her to stay home with us. (She ended up working part-time as my dad's secretary, until we moved to California, at which point she started working full-time.)
I know that my association of self-worth with gainful employment and getting a paycheck comes from that statement. I don't think my mother meant it that way -- I think she meant, You have to do something, you can't just sit around. But that's how I took it in.
Needless to say, leaving the admirable (and well-compensated) employment of Apple Computer created quite a bit of cognitive dissonance. If you are not working, you are worthless. And to give up all that to pursue something as ephemeral as being a writer...are you nuts? Which meant that any time I wasn't writing -- I don't mean 9 to 5, I mean any time -- I would start to flagellate myself. (Still do, actually.)
On top of everything else: like many couples, my parents fought over money. Darin had to work hard to convince me to share our finances, which I didn't want to do -- despite the fact that he would be at far more financial risk than I would be -- and the idea of living off my husband totally was complete anathema. Quitting my job was not an easy decision.
Anyhow, I need external validation that I'm doing okay, that I wasn't totally deluded. Getting into the semifinals of the Nicholl last year and the quarterfinals this year has meant a lot -- it hasn't meant everything, since I know people who've gotten dinked and sold their scripts anyhow, but it's something.
Also this week I sent some writing samples -- excerpts from two screenplays and the opening to my mystery novel -- to a guy looking for a writer to do some web work. While I may not get that particular gig (because they have to hear from a writer more closely aligned with the TV version of the project), he did say he's keeping me in mind for future stuff, because he liked my samples. I know, this is Hollywood, maybe he's blowing smoke up crevices known and unknown, but it was nice to hear. And I'm supposed to go in for an interview next week.
So my mood has improved this week, having gotten external pats on the shoulder saying, "Good job." Not great job -- I'm afraid I require getting a paycheck for my writing to believe that. But it's been enough to lift me out of the despair I'd been feeling.
Well, if I do finally decide that what I really need to do is receive a weekly paycheck, I understand that experienced tech writers are in short supply at the moment. And I've learned a lot about writing since I left Apple.
Speaking of work, Salon had an article about the company where Darin works recently.
In the Forum:
Fuzzy dice, side effects of frappucinos, and thou.
Children and the child-free: do we need to mark off twenty paces?
Uncle Scott wants to know, do you care if you hear spoilers about a movie before you see it?
What have you been, uh, slow to realize?
The answer to yesterday's question: Indonesia's former President Suharto has been formally charged with corruption during his time in office. However, "President Abdurrahman Wahid has said repeatedly that he will pardon Mr. Suharto, but only after the legal process is complete. He has also suggested that the former president can strike a deal by returning his wealth to the nation." Gee.
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Copyright 2000 Diane Patterson
Send comments and questions to diane@nobody-knows-anything.com