Last night Darin, Mary, Mike, and I went to hear a Conversation with William Goldman at the Egyptian Theater, down in Hollywood. It was entertaining, except for one deadly detail: the seats in the orchestra section of the Egyptian are tilted backward so you’re looking up at the stage. You end up leaning backward to get comfortable…and if you’re at all sleepy, you might just nod off. Both Mary and I were fighting it the whole way through the evening.
Goldman obviously knows how to spin a good story, even when he was telling stories I already knew (because they were almost verbatim from one of his books—Adventures in the Screen Trade and Which Lie Did I Tell?). The funniest one was in response to a question about getting “notes,” which are the comments development execs give everyone—including William Goldman—on scripts. He told a story about working on the script for Maverick, in which he got the note, “We’d like the script to be funnier and more exciting.” To which Goldman said, “Fuck you! I’d like it to be funnier and more exciting too. Tell me how.”
One maxim he repeated a few times was, “The second you think you know what you’re doing, you’re finished.” The funny-strange thing about Goldman (as opposed to funny-ha ha) is how amazingly insecure he says he is. He’s a writer, I guess writers are insecure, but…wouldn’t you think William Goldman might think he has a handle on what he’s doing by now? I mean, the guy’s synonymous with the word “screenwriter.”
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A week or so ago—time passage is not my strong suit these days—Michele and I went to a special panel put on by the Writers Guild of the writers nominated for WGA Awards and Academy Awards, in both the Original and Adapted Screenplay categories.
The lineup they had was great: Steve Zaillian (Gangs of New York), Chris Weitz and Paul Weitz (About A Boy), Nia Vardalos (My Big Fat Greek Wedding), Michael Moore (Bowling For Columbine), Charlie Kaufman (Adaptation), Todd Haynes (Far From Heaven), David Hare (The Hours), and Bill Condon (Chicago). And the moderator was Owen Wilson, who is of course a screenwriter when he’s not being a movie star.
The panel was far more entertaining than it was informative, but that’s why you go to these things, to hear the bon mots, not to learn anything.
On working habits:
CHRIS WEITZ
I spend a lot of time at Starbucks
hoping that after this triple
mocha I'll be ready.
MICHAEL MOORE
I spend most of my time trying
not to get shot...My process is,
number one, stay alive, try not
to get my ass kicked, and deal
with lawsuits from Dick Clark.
CHARLIE KAUFMAN
Talking into a tape recorder is
a little more cinematic than the
real thing I do, which is nothing.
On Bowling For Columbine:
DAVID HARE
I was lucky enough to see Michael's
film in Paris --
OWEN WILSON
-- I saw it in Hawaii --
Audience LAUGHS.
DAVID HARE
Ah. Ideological laughter. I understand
US-French relations are at a low
and Michael's film did very
little to heal that.
On various aspects of writing:
CHARLIE KAUFMAN
I had a two hundred-and-sixty page
draft. But I didn't turn that in.
I'm not that ballsy.
DAVID HARE
Directors are protective of their
genius because, I think, they're
not quite convinced it's a real job.
MICHAEL MOORE
The best ideas come from someone
saying, "Let's get a Star Map."
STEVE ZAILLIAN
I enjoy the part before I've
started and I imagine it's going
to be great.
BILL CONDON
Be on to the next one as you're
finishing the current one.
I also get inspired by panels like this or like the one with Goldman last night. Because, you know, these people have made a career of screenwriting, they’ve reached the high points of their profession (and, undoubtedly, the low points) and they’re still going.
And it’s been extremely inspirational to have Mary here too. She has two little kids, she lives in Seattle, and she’s a working screenwriter. She sold a pitch without ever having sold a script, and she’s got a juggernaut going during this visit as well. Seeing how she’s approached developing her pitches and ideas has taught me a lot, in ways that just hearing about it at USC never did. (One major complaint about USC: not enough practical information, like “how to pitch.”)